I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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