Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
