My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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