I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
