We won't sleep together?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
