After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What a dumb baby whore.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
