So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
