He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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