____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
