I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
