Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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