it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
