you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
