More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
