Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
