Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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