dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
