; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So here I am, sexting at work.
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