I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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