dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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