Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
