I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
