Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
