i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
