mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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