Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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