my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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