I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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