Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
