a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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