Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
