True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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