What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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