So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
