i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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