whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Randomize
