You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
