Just fell off a train. Bad.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
