Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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