i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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