is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
