nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
