Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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