Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
