We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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