i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
