WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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