I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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