you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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