Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
nutella sex= disaster
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
