yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
