I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
