i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My balls are so social today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
