Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
