can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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