Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
