I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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