I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
