I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
