Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We left an ass print on the piano.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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