His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
