Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
