I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
