We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
