Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
