we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The air was thick with penises
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
